So, be a tool

Leonard: Can we please just go in, my chain mail is stuck in my underwear.
Sheldon: You are wearing modern underwear?
Leonard: Relatively modern. Why, what are you wearing?
Sheldon: I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.
Leonard: You went out and bought linen?
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I borrowed one of your pillow cases.

Sheldon: Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary, the word plenty has been redefined to mean two.

Howard: Yeah, so, be a tool. Go get yourself a little rebound stress release.
Raj: Technically it would only be rebound if he and Penny had actually engaged in physical intimacy.
Howard: You mean like you and Richard the slave girl?
Raj: I brought him dinner and we kissed once, that was it. And he told me his name was Kimberley!

Sheldon: You know how I know we're not in the Matrix?
Leonard: How?
Sheldon: If we were, the food would be better.

Leslie: I thought it was a pretty good one, I gave him an L-O-L.

Sheldon: Bring out the Red Bull, it%u2019s time to rock Mario old school!

Sheldon: You mean just go someplace else and be… someplace else?

Penny: Well why don't you go to the movies then?
Sheldon: Because who would be there to perform the Heimlich maneuver if I choke on my popcorn?
Penny: So, don't buy popcorn.
Sheldon: No popcorn at the mo - listen to yourself!

Sheldon: Everybody has a date. Even you, Mario, going after Princess Peach. And what am I doing, I’m just enabling you.

Penny: Sheldon, you are a smart guy, you must know...
Sheldon: Smart? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as smart.

Penny: You must know that if Leonard and Leslie want to be together, nothing you can do is going to stop it.
Sheldon: You continue to underestimate my abilities madam.

Penny: Because love trumps hate.
Sheldon: Oh now you're just making stuff up.

Sheldon: Oh Mario ... if only I could control everyone the way I control you ... HOP! YOU LITTLE PLUMBER! HOP! HOP! HOP!