When I was ten years old, I built a hugging machine.

Penny: Fellas, please.
Howard: Penny, come on, we were just finding our sound.
Penny: You found it. It’s the sound of a cat being run over by a lawn mower.

Mrs. Hofstadter: If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.
Leonard: Good to see you, Mother.

Leonard: So, what are you guys talking about?
Sheldon: The frequency with which your parents had intercourse.
Leonard: Swell. If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll show you the PowerPoint presentation.

Mrs. Hofstadter: I have to urinate.
Sheldon: What a remarkable woman.
Leonard: Yeah I, I thought you guys might hit it off.

Leonard: Why are you doing this?
Howard: You know the rules. You brought your mom to work, you must suffer.

Mrs. Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
Howard: Say what?
Leonard: You brought your husband to work, you know the rules.

Leonard: You got alcohol?
Penny: Your mom still here?
Leonard: Yep.
Penny: Come on in.

Penny: You’re gonna lick the salt off my neck, do the shot, and then bite the lime.
Leonard: I’m sorry, I didn’t hear anything after lick.