Rock - Paper - Scissors - Lizard - Spock

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Leonard: Ahoy, matey.

Howard: Noticed the eye patch, did you? It’s all part of a technique I’ve been studying for picking up women. You employ a visual display designed to make yourself distinctive and memorable.

Leonard: Howard’s at the Mars Rover lab. He says he’s in trouble. Defcon 5.
Sheldon: Defcon 5? Well, there’s no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Defcon 5 means no danger. Defcon 1 is a crisis.

Sheldon: They don’t let strange women from honky-tonks come in and play with $200million government projects on distant planets?
Howard: Yes, I was bad. Maybe she’ll spank me. Can we please move on?

Stephanie: So are you a scientist like Howard?
Leonard: No one’s a scientist like Howard.
Howard: My mother is so gonna love her.
Sheldon: Oh, how nice. Maybe they can carpool when they visit you in federal prison.

Raj: What’s Plan B?
Howard: Erase all the hard drives, scrap the surveillance tapes, wipe our fingerprints off every surface and run.
Sheldon: Why wasn’t that Plan A?

Penny: You started by asking if I was from Mars because my ass was out of this world.

Stephanie: So, how was your day?
Leonard: Y'know, I'm a physicist - I thought about stuff.
Stephanie: That's it?
Leonard: I wrote some of it down.

Howard: Hey, buddy. What brings you to my little slice of hell?

Howard: You are dead to me.

Howard: Did someone just feel a cold breeze?
Sheldon: I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor. The cold breeze is the so-called ectoplasmic issue of a disembodied soul passing by.

Howard: Leonard, Stephanie, you’re alive, it’s a miracle!

Voice from TV: The possibility of life on Mars has long fascinated scientists and laypersons alike. It’s unclear how the Mars Rover got into the crevice, but one thing’s certain, the data which it has sent back contain the first clear indications that there may have been life on Mars. It’s a scientific discovery that has staggering implications for all mankind. Unfortunately, we’ll never know who’s responsible.
Howard: Son of a bitch.