E, A, D, G, B, E...
A-sharp, B, C, C-sharp, D, D-sharp, E, F, F-sharp, G, G-sharp...
E major, E minor, D major, D minor...
A-sharp, B, C, C-sharp, D, D-sharp, E, F, F-sharp, G, G-sharp...
E major, E minor, D major, D minor...
4/30/2011
4/28/2011
4/27/2011
Jesus, Take the Wheel
Sheldon: It amazes me how you constantly obsess over fictional details when there are more important things in the real world to worry about. For example, why wasn’t William Shatner in the new Star Trek movie?
Sheldon: What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year?
Leonard: I'm so glad you asked it like that. You!
Howard: The one thing the William Shatner of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost.
Howard: Well, no you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Sheldon: Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.
Penny: I love where you skip over the part where no one asks.
Sheldon: What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind?
Leonard: My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist, and I’ve been in therapy ever since she accused me of breast-feeding co-dependently.
Howard: Raj says he can teach you, what did you call it? I don’t know, some Indian meditation crap.
Sheldon: I see. Well, I assume, since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you’re saving the most impressive contribution for last. Go ahead, Howard. Dazzle me.
Howard: My power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problems. And that’s 24-7, buddy.
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be, my C-men.
Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it, I am able to stay in the same room with then without urinating.
Raj: Imagine yourself in the one place you feel most at home. Where is that?
Sheldon: Sim City. More specifically, the Sim City I designed, Sheldonopolis.
Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge".
Sheldon: Question one, where are my pants?
Leonard: You might wanna check out YouTube.
Sheldon: Get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Now here's Uranus!
Sheldon: What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year?
Leonard: I'm so glad you asked it like that. You!
Howard: The one thing the William Shatner of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost.
Howard: Well, no you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Sheldon: Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.
Penny: I love where you skip over the part where no one asks.
Sheldon: What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind?
Leonard: My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist, and I’ve been in therapy ever since she accused me of breast-feeding co-dependently.
Howard: Raj says he can teach you, what did you call it? I don’t know, some Indian meditation crap.
Sheldon: I see. Well, I assume, since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you’re saving the most impressive contribution for last. Go ahead, Howard. Dazzle me.
Howard: My power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problems. And that’s 24-7, buddy.
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be, my C-men.
Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it, I am able to stay in the same room with then without urinating.
Raj: Imagine yourself in the one place you feel most at home. Where is that?
Sheldon: Sim City. More specifically, the Sim City I designed, Sheldonopolis.
Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge".
Sheldon: Question one, where are my pants?
Leonard: You might wanna check out YouTube.
Sheldon: Get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Now here's Uranus!
hilarious
Excuse me, excuse me.
But I might drink a little bit more than I should tonight.
And I might take you home with me if I could tonight.
And I think you should let me cause I look good tonight.
And we might not get tomorrow.
Pitbull - give me everything
But I might drink a little bit more than I should tonight.
And I might take you home with me if I could tonight.
And I think you should let me cause I look good tonight.
And we might not get tomorrow.
Pitbull - give me everything
My own. My love. My precious.
Sheldon: I’m the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails. That leaves you, by default, as the muscle.
Leonard: Don’t panic, this is better.
Penny: Oh, no, you didn’t trade the food for magic beans, did you?
Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don’t listen, sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.
Howard: Where's my dad, puppet?!
Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.
Raj: Huh? That’ll come off.
Howard: You see what you’re doing? Stop that.
Sheldon: One ring to rule them all.
Raj: One ring to find them.
Howard: One ring to bring them all.
Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.
Raj: Holy crap are we nerdy!
Penny: The first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don’t even get to keep it?
Howard: If you had gone out with me three years ago, by now, you’d have my great Aunt Ida’s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.
Leonard: How am I looking now?
Leonard: What was that?
Penny: Sheldon tried to steal the ring so I punched him.
Leonard: That's my girl!
Howard: You know, there’s a point when this becomes idiotic.
Leonard: And it wasn’t when we were driving like this?
Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: There are six seasons, dude.
Leonard: Oh, crap!
Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don’t know if we can trust him again. It’s a wild ride.
Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie. And relevae.
Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.
Howard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I’m going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.
Sheldon: So, just to clarify, when you say 3, do we stand up or do we pee?
Sheldon: Where's the ring?
Leonard: It's in a Fedex box on it's way back to where it came from.
Rajesh: The fires of Mount Doom?
Penny: Ugh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
Leonard: Don’t panic, this is better.
Penny: Oh, no, you didn’t trade the food for magic beans, did you?
Penny: Yeah, sometimes I don’t listen, sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.
Howard: Where's my dad, puppet?!
Howard: Looks like someone drew a penis on him.
Raj: Huh? That’ll come off.
Howard: You see what you’re doing? Stop that.
Sheldon: One ring to rule them all.
Raj: One ring to find them.
Howard: One ring to bring them all.
Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.
Raj: Holy crap are we nerdy!
Penny: The first piece of jewellery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don’t even get to keep it?
Howard: If you had gone out with me three years ago, by now, you’d have my great Aunt Ida’s brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.
Leonard: How am I looking now?
Leonard: What was that?
Penny: Sheldon tried to steal the ring so I punched him.
Leonard: That's my girl!
Howard: You know, there’s a point when this becomes idiotic.
Leonard: And it wasn’t when we were driving like this?
Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: There are six seasons, dude.
Leonard: Oh, crap!
Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don’t know if we can trust him again. It’s a wild ride.
Raj: Okay, everybody, and plie. And relevae.
Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.
Howard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I’m going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.
Sheldon: So, just to clarify, when you say 3, do we stand up or do we pee?
Sheldon: Where's the ring?
Leonard: It's in a Fedex box on it's way back to where it came from.
Rajesh: The fires of Mount Doom?
Penny: Ugh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
4/25/2011
Not just the finger. The moving finger.
Leonard: Would you please turn your shirt off?
Raj: What? I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music. People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.
Wolowitz: Right. There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man who's got music blasting from between his nipples.
Wolowitz: I’m sad to say I taught him those moves.
Raj: Well, obviously you don’t remember your circumcision.
Leonard: Who’s Stan Lee?
Penny: Um, he was on Star Trek.
Leonard: Nope.
Penny: Star Wars?
Leonard: No.
Penny: Um, uh, Stan Lee, oh, he was in those goofy kung fu movies you love so much?
Leonard: That’s Bruce Lee.
Wolowitz: Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I’m planning to buy haven’t been invented yet.
Sheldon: When the light turned yellow she said go, go, go, so I went, went, went.
Sheldon: I’m going to begin preparing my defence right now.
Wolowitz: Okay, he’s going to jail.
Wolowitz: Wow. Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court? Uh, if this was Sophie’s Choice it would’ve been a much shorter movie. No.
Leonard: Sheldon’s in jail?
Raj: You called it.
Leonard: For what?
Penny: What do you think? For doing the same crap he always does, except to a judge.
Sheldon: That’s the toilet?
Guard: Well, it ain’t a wishing well.
Sheldon: Please tell the judge I’m ready to apologize.
Wolowitz: you didn’t get to meet Stan Lee.
Leonard: Okay, that’s enough, Howard. The poor guy’s had a tough time. He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit.
Sheldon: I’ll tell you where I’ve been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order.
Wolowitz: Sweet.
Sheldon: Plus, I get to hang out with him again at the hearing. This is going to look great hanging next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.
Raj: What? I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music. People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.
Wolowitz: Right. There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man who's got music blasting from between his nipples.
Wolowitz: I’m sad to say I taught him those moves.
Raj: Well, obviously you don’t remember your circumcision.
Leonard: Who’s Stan Lee?
Penny: Um, he was on Star Trek.
Leonard: Nope.
Penny: Star Wars?
Leonard: No.
Penny: Um, uh, Stan Lee, oh, he was in those goofy kung fu movies you love so much?
Leonard: That’s Bruce Lee.
Wolowitz: Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I’m planning to buy haven’t been invented yet.
Sheldon: When the light turned yellow she said go, go, go, so I went, went, went.
Sheldon: I’m going to begin preparing my defence right now.
Wolowitz: Okay, he’s going to jail.
Wolowitz: Wow. Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court? Uh, if this was Sophie’s Choice it would’ve been a much shorter movie. No.
Leonard: Sheldon’s in jail?
Raj: You called it.
Leonard: For what?
Penny: What do you think? For doing the same crap he always does, except to a judge.
Sheldon: That’s the toilet?
Guard: Well, it ain’t a wishing well.
Sheldon: Please tell the judge I’m ready to apologize.
Wolowitz: you didn’t get to meet Stan Lee.
Leonard: Okay, that’s enough, Howard. The poor guy’s had a tough time. He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit.
Sheldon: I’ll tell you where I’ve been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order.
Wolowitz: Sweet.
Sheldon: Plus, I get to hang out with him again at the hearing. This is going to look great hanging next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.
kaupunki, jossa tapahtuu.
suttit och svettats i bil i tre timmar.
skönt med en sval lägenhet som jag har saknat, oh så mycket.
firat påsken hemma med familjen.
systerdottern har växt till sig så det knakar och jag har aldrig blivit så glad att se wilma.
en hel del bakning på schemat och ett besök till favorit mormor.
dricka öl pampas style: några rundor runt i byn med malins fancy car och lite grym bas i luften.
fem veckor kvar i skolan och jag är rädd att tiden kommer rinna iväg för fort.
jag har verkligen börjat gilla åbo. känns nästan som hemma.
skönt med en sval lägenhet som jag har saknat, oh så mycket.
firat påsken hemma med familjen.
systerdottern har växt till sig så det knakar och jag har aldrig blivit så glad att se wilma.
en hel del bakning på schemat och ett besök till favorit mormor.
dricka öl pampas style: några rundor runt i byn med malins fancy car och lite grym bas i luften.
fem veckor kvar i skolan och jag är rädd att tiden kommer rinna iväg för fort.
jag har verkligen börjat gilla åbo. känns nästan som hemma.
4/21/2011
I’m having a tea party
Sheldon: Given that Saint Valentine was a third century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn’t a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one’s steady gal to witness a brutal murder?
Raj: The big-boobed weather girl on Channel 2?
Sheldon: I’ve been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider since I was nine years old.
Leonard: Yeah, well, I’ve been dreaming about spending Valentine’s Day with a girl since I was six.
Penny: You actually put that in an agreement?
Leonard: Yeah. We also put in what happens if one of us wins a MacArthur Grant, or if one of us gets superpowers, or if one of us is bitten by a zombie.
Sheldon: He can’t kill me, even if I turn.
Penny: Is there anything in there about if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Sheldon: No, that seemed a little farfetched.
Leonard: What would you do if you were me?
Wolowitz: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland!
Leonard: Really?
Wolowitz: Yes, and I'd leave him there!
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Hello.
Sheldon: Alright, let’s dispense with the friendly banter, I believe you know why I’m here.
Penny: Well, I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
Raj: I’m going to have a me day. First I’m going to go to one of those spas in Koreatown, take a steam and get a massage. Then I’m going to stop at a pet store and get licked by puppies.
Sheldon: It’s you! I touched you!
Penny: Happy Valentine’s Day.
Raj: The big-boobed weather girl on Channel 2?
Sheldon: I’ve been dreaming about going to the Large Hadron Collider since I was nine years old.
Leonard: Yeah, well, I’ve been dreaming about spending Valentine’s Day with a girl since I was six.
Penny: You actually put that in an agreement?
Leonard: Yeah. We also put in what happens if one of us wins a MacArthur Grant, or if one of us gets superpowers, or if one of us is bitten by a zombie.
Sheldon: He can’t kill me, even if I turn.
Penny: Is there anything in there about if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Sheldon: No, that seemed a little farfetched.
Leonard: What would you do if you were me?
Wolowitz: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland!
Leonard: Really?
Wolowitz: Yes, and I'd leave him there!
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Hello.
Sheldon: Alright, let’s dispense with the friendly banter, I believe you know why I’m here.
Penny: Well, I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
Raj: I’m going to have a me day. First I’m going to go to one of those spas in Koreatown, take a steam and get a massage. Then I’m going to stop at a pet store and get licked by puppies.
Sheldon: It’s you! I touched you!
Penny: Happy Valentine’s Day.
I figured out how to figure it out.
Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don’t put him in his crate at night he just runs around the apartment.
Sheldon: Captain hook's hand was eaten by a crocodile not an alligator. If you're going to insult me at least get your facts straight.
Howard: How long has he been stuck?
Leonard: Hmm, intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.
Howard: Have you tried rebooting him?
Sheldon: Structure, constant structure, one atom...
Howard: Boy, he's really gone, isn't he?
Leonard: Yeah, this morning he used a stick of butter as deodorant.
Howard: I thought I smelled popcorn!
Raj: Hey, it’s Disco Night at the Moonlight Roller Rink in Glendale tonight. Who’s up for getting down?
Leonard: I haven’t seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie.
Raj: If I don’t eat my lima beans, I can’t have my cookie.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, have you ever been so embarrassed?
Penny: Not recently.
Bernadette: I don’t know which was lamer, their roller-skating or their disco dancing.
Penny: For me, the worst part was when people saw us leave with them.
Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that’s a crazy thing.
Penny: Leonard, you’re… you’re giggling in your sleep.
Leonard: It’s not me, it’s my new ringtone. The Joker from Batman.
Penny: What happened?
Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorizing the village.
Howard: I bet if we all chipped in, we could buy Sheldon a van.
Raj: But he’s afraid of dogs.
Leonard: Yeah, that’s the only thing wrong with that plan.
Howard: Happy now?
Raj: I’m on a cloud.
Sheldon: Captain hook's hand was eaten by a crocodile not an alligator. If you're going to insult me at least get your facts straight.
Howard: How long has he been stuck?
Leonard: Hmm, intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.
Howard: Have you tried rebooting him?
Sheldon: Structure, constant structure, one atom...
Howard: Boy, he's really gone, isn't he?
Leonard: Yeah, this morning he used a stick of butter as deodorant.
Howard: I thought I smelled popcorn!
Raj: Hey, it’s Disco Night at the Moonlight Roller Rink in Glendale tonight. Who’s up for getting down?
Leonard: I haven’t seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie.
Raj: If I don’t eat my lima beans, I can’t have my cookie.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, have you ever been so embarrassed?
Penny: Not recently.
Bernadette: I don’t know which was lamer, their roller-skating or their disco dancing.
Penny: For me, the worst part was when people saw us leave with them.
Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that’s a crazy thing.
Penny: Leonard, you’re… you’re giggling in your sleep.
Leonard: It’s not me, it’s my new ringtone. The Joker from Batman.
Penny: What happened?
Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorizing the village.
Howard: I bet if we all chipped in, we could buy Sheldon a van.
Raj: But he’s afraid of dogs.
Leonard: Yeah, that’s the only thing wrong with that plan.
Howard: Happy now?
Raj: I’m on a cloud.
God, I don’t know. Star Wars?
Raj: Oh, God! Yes, we get it. You have a girlfriend now.
Howard: A little jealous, are we?
Raj: No, I’m not jealous. All right, I’d kill a hobo if it’ll get me laid.
Sheldon: The mobster sauce couldn’t possibly contain chunks of mobster.
Leonard: And why is that?
Sheldon: It was listed under seafood.
Leonard: What if they were mobsters who slept with the fishes?
Sheldon: Leonard, are we having a serious conversation or not?
Sheldon: Oh God, oh God, oh, God! It’s all right. They didn’t take my comic books.
Leonard: Would I be completely out of line to ask you to shoot him?
Policeman: I’d be happy to put him under a 72-hour psychiatric hold.
Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
Penny: Sheldon, do you want to sleep here tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, as small as Leonard is, I don’t think the two of you’d be comfortable on the couch.
Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: It’s not what I want, it’s what evolution wants. Human beings are primates. Primates have evolved to live in groups, both for protection and support.
Leonard: But you don’t like other people.
Sheldon: I do tonight. It’s scary over there.
Leonard: It’s getting scary here, too.
Sheldon: What if someone kidnaps me, forces me to record my voice, and then cuts off my thumb?
Leonard: I’ll send them a basket of muffins.
Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than Windows Vista......I don't like that.
Penny: Come on, Sheldon, you can’t move. Don’t you need to stay in one place so the mother ship can find you when it returns?
Howard: A little jealous, are we?
Raj: No, I’m not jealous. All right, I’d kill a hobo if it’ll get me laid.
Sheldon: The mobster sauce couldn’t possibly contain chunks of mobster.
Leonard: And why is that?
Sheldon: It was listed under seafood.
Leonard: What if they were mobsters who slept with the fishes?
Sheldon: Leonard, are we having a serious conversation or not?
Sheldon: Oh God, oh God, oh, God! It’s all right. They didn’t take my comic books.
Leonard: Would I be completely out of line to ask you to shoot him?
Policeman: I’d be happy to put him under a 72-hour psychiatric hold.
Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
Penny: Sheldon, do you want to sleep here tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, as small as Leonard is, I don’t think the two of you’d be comfortable on the couch.
Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: It’s not what I want, it’s what evolution wants. Human beings are primates. Primates have evolved to live in groups, both for protection and support.
Leonard: But you don’t like other people.
Sheldon: I do tonight. It’s scary over there.
Leonard: It’s getting scary here, too.
Sheldon: What if someone kidnaps me, forces me to record my voice, and then cuts off my thumb?
Leonard: I’ll send them a basket of muffins.
Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than Windows Vista......I don't like that.
Penny: Come on, Sheldon, you can’t move. Don’t you need to stay in one place so the mother ship can find you when it returns?
4/20/2011
My friend is looking for someone to copulate with.
Howard: Actual women are the best.
Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?
Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?
Leonard: We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.
Raj: We would just walk around and see what’s what.
Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.
Raj: I don’t want to go to Flatland.
Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.
Sheldon: I don’t drink.
Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot.
Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.
Sheldon: All right. There’s a female.
Raj: That’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.
Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?
Leonard: What's going on?
Sheldon: We scored. I'm the wingman.
Leonard: What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny?
Howard: Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.
Leonard: What is that?
Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.
Sheldon: It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.
Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!
Sheldon: I don’t understand. What other kind of women are there?
Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?
Leonard: We’re planning to have sex right on the salad bar.
Raj: We would just walk around and see what’s what.
Sheldon: That’s a semantically null sentence.
Raj: I don’t want to go to Flatland.
Raj: Come on, let’s get a drink.
Sheldon: I don’t drink.
Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot.
Raj: Okay, let’s check out the females.
Sheldon: All right. There’s a female.
Raj: That’s Professor Wilkinson’s wife, she’s like 80 years old.
Sheldon: But she’s female. Isn’t that the game?
Leonard: What's going on?
Sheldon: We scored. I'm the wingman.
Leonard: What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don’t whenever I’m with Penny?
Howard: Hey, I’m sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she’s with you.
Leonard: What is that?
Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.
Sheldon: It’s taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I’d learn Finnish.
Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!
Another round for me and my homegirl.
Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.
Leonard: In my family, holidays weren’t so much celebrated as studied for their anthropological and psychological implications on human society.
Penny: Oh, sounds festive.
Penny: Why wouldn’t she approve of me? I’m adorable.
Beverly: Leonard, how are you?
Leonard: Fine, Mom. How are you?
Beverley: Mmm, menopausal.
Leonard: Now I’m less fine.
Beverly: So, Howard, have you and Rajesh finally summoned the courage to express your latent homosexual feelings towards one another?
Howard: Honest to God. Leonard, tell her I have a girlfriend.
Leonard: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Howard: What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? Tell her I have a girlfriend!
Leonard: All right. He “has” a “girlfriend.”
Beverly: With some waitress from the university cafeteria. Can you believe it? A waitress? Oh, no offense, dear.
Penny: No, it sounded like a compliment.
Beverly: Thankfully, my shock was somewhat mitigated by the fact that I haven’t had intercourse with him in eight years.
Penny: Eight years?
Beverley: Oh, that’s nothing. I’ve been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982.
Penny: Yikes. What’s so funny?
Beverley: That’s exactly what I say during orgasms. Yikes.
Penny: You know what? I could use a drink. Do you want to stop for a drink?
Beverley: Oh, I don’t drink.
Penny: I do, I’ll teach you.
Sheldon: Just remember, Leonard, where your biological family has failed you, you always have me, your surrogate family.
Leonard: You’re my surrogate family?
Sheldon: If it’s any consolation, I’m not happy about it either. Good night.
Beverly: I feel a spreading warmth through my extremities.
Penny: As long as you don’t feel it running down your pants, you’re fine.
Beverly: Why didn’t you tell me you were tapping my homegirl? Did I say that right?
Penny: Yeah, not bad, not bad.
Leonard: Are you guys drunk?
Beverley: Well, I hope so. Otherwise, why would we have stopped at Del Taco? Now, how could you not tell me you were in a relationship with this lovely, charming young woman?
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Beverley: You’re welcome. Is it because she’s uneducated, trapped in a menial service position?
Penny: What the hell happened to lovely and charming?
Beverly: I’m getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart.
Penny: That’s the Del Taco.
Beverly: Don’t make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.
Leonard: Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don’t communicate with me enough?
Beverley: Yes, dear.
Leonard: I’m over it.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.
Leonard: In my family, holidays weren’t so much celebrated as studied for their anthropological and psychological implications on human society.
Penny: Oh, sounds festive.
Penny: Why wouldn’t she approve of me? I’m adorable.
Beverly: Leonard, how are you?
Leonard: Fine, Mom. How are you?
Beverley: Mmm, menopausal.
Leonard: Now I’m less fine.
Beverly: So, Howard, have you and Rajesh finally summoned the courage to express your latent homosexual feelings towards one another?
Howard: Honest to God. Leonard, tell her I have a girlfriend.
Leonard: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Howard: What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? Tell her I have a girlfriend!
Leonard: All right. He “has” a “girlfriend.”
Beverly: With some waitress from the university cafeteria. Can you believe it? A waitress? Oh, no offense, dear.
Penny: No, it sounded like a compliment.
Beverly: Thankfully, my shock was somewhat mitigated by the fact that I haven’t had intercourse with him in eight years.
Penny: Eight years?
Beverley: Oh, that’s nothing. I’ve been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982.
Penny: Yikes. What’s so funny?
Beverley: That’s exactly what I say during orgasms. Yikes.
Penny: You know what? I could use a drink. Do you want to stop for a drink?
Beverley: Oh, I don’t drink.
Penny: I do, I’ll teach you.
Sheldon: Just remember, Leonard, where your biological family has failed you, you always have me, your surrogate family.
Leonard: You’re my surrogate family?
Sheldon: If it’s any consolation, I’m not happy about it either. Good night.
Beverly: I feel a spreading warmth through my extremities.
Penny: As long as you don’t feel it running down your pants, you’re fine.
Beverly: Why didn’t you tell me you were tapping my homegirl? Did I say that right?
Penny: Yeah, not bad, not bad.
Leonard: Are you guys drunk?
Beverley: Well, I hope so. Otherwise, why would we have stopped at Del Taco? Now, how could you not tell me you were in a relationship with this lovely, charming young woman?
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Beverley: You’re welcome. Is it because she’s uneducated, trapped in a menial service position?
Penny: What the hell happened to lovely and charming?
Beverly: I’m getting a warm feeling spreading through my heart.
Penny: That’s the Del Taco.
Beverly: Don’t make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.
Leonard: Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don’t communicate with me enough?
Beverley: Yes, dear.
Leonard: I’m over it.
4/19/2011
What’s up, my nerdizzles?
Leonard: It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.
Leonard: That’s where Sheldon sits.
Bernadette: He can’t sit somewhere else?
Penny: Oh no, no, you see, in the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he’s warm, yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer, it’s directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that isn’t direct, so he can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.
Sheldon: Perhaps there’s hope for you after all.
Sheldon: Mom was right - hell is real!
Howard: let the womenfolk chat.
Penny: Womenfolk?
Howard: Gals? Chicks? Utero-Americans?
Penny: Just eat your dinner.
Bernadette: Don’t take him too seriously, a lot of what he says is intended as humour.
Penny: Yeah, well, I don’t think it’s very funny.
Bernadette: Me neither, but he just lights up when I laugh.
Penny: Howard, never let her go.
Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful. Where did you get them?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Bazinga, I don't care.
Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.
Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a magic genie who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart.
Bernadette: How exciting is that?
Howard: Like Hanukkah in July.
Leonard: Howard, relax. I am not interested in your girlfriend.
Howard: I hope not. Because you don't wanna mess with me. *Gets in Leonard's face* I'm crazy.
Leonard: I believe you.
Sheldon: Research journal, entry one. I’m about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career, teaching Penny physics. I’m calling it Project Gorilla.
Sheldon: This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we’re going to take together from the ancient Greeks through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr to Erwin Schrodinger to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.
Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
Leonard: Tushy face, that is going on Twitter right now.
Leonard: That’s where Sheldon sits.
Bernadette: He can’t sit somewhere else?
Penny: Oh no, no, you see, in the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he’s warm, yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer, it’s directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that isn’t direct, so he can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.
Sheldon: Perhaps there’s hope for you after all.
Sheldon: Mom was right - hell is real!
Howard: let the womenfolk chat.
Penny: Womenfolk?
Howard: Gals? Chicks? Utero-Americans?
Penny: Just eat your dinner.
Bernadette: Don’t take him too seriously, a lot of what he says is intended as humour.
Penny: Yeah, well, I don’t think it’s very funny.
Bernadette: Me neither, but he just lights up when I laugh.
Penny: Howard, never let her go.
Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful. Where did you get them?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Bazinga, I don't care.
Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.
Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a magic genie who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart.
Bernadette: How exciting is that?
Howard: Like Hanukkah in July.
Leonard: Howard, relax. I am not interested in your girlfriend.
Howard: I hope not. Because you don't wanna mess with me. *Gets in Leonard's face* I'm crazy.
Leonard: I believe you.
Sheldon: Research journal, entry one. I’m about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career, teaching Penny physics. I’m calling it Project Gorilla.
Sheldon: This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we’re going to take together from the ancient Greeks through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr to Erwin Schrodinger to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.
Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
Leonard: Tushy face, that is going on Twitter right now.
Three dates means sex? Who knew?
Howard: Greetings, homies, homette.
Howard: In romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.
Howard: Before you and Penny hooked up, did she ask for any kind of commitment?
Leonard: No, she was pretty clear about wanting to keep her options open.
Sheldon: Thank you Kripke for depriving me of the oppotunity to share my news with my friends!
Kripke: My pleasure!
Sheldon: My thank you was not sincere.
Kripke: Hm, but my pleasure is!
Sheldon: My mother is very excited. She’s convening her Bible study group to listen in, and then pray for my soul.
Penny: Yo, Raj, talk to me.
Howard: She wants a commitment and I’m not sure she’s my type.
Penny: She agreed to go out with you for free. What more do you need?
Howard: Look, Bernadette is really nice. I just always thought when I finally settle down into a relationship, it would be with someone, you know, different.
Penny: Different how?
Howard: Well, you know, more like Megan Fox from Transformers, or Katee Sackhoff from Battlestar Galactica.
Penny: Are you high?
Leonard: You’d have a better shot with the three-breasted Martian hooker from Total Recall. Howard: Okay, now you’re just being unrealistic.
Penny: Howard, you’re going to throw away a great girl like Bernadette because you’re holding out for some ridiculous fantasy?
Howard: Hey, just because you settled doesn’t mean I have to.
Leonard: Excuse me, I’m sitting here.
Penny: Hey, I did not settle for Leonard. I mean, obviously, he isn’t the kind of guy I usually go out with, you know, physically.
Leonard: Again, I’m right here.
Penny: My point is, I do not judge a book by its cover. I am interested in the person underneath.
Leonard: I am here, right? You see me.
Howard: So nice you could join me this evening, you're looking lovely as always.
Katee Sackhoff: Thanks Howard, always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies.
Raj: We are from the Lollipop guild and we want you!
Raj: You can’t sink. With all that helium in you, you’re lucky you don’t float away.
Raj: I didn't come here to help, I came here to mock.
Penny: Oh, gee, you’re too late. Scarlett Johansson and Wonder Woman were just in here trolling around for neurotic, little weasels.
Howard: I’m never going to find another girl like you who likes me and is, you know, real.
Raj: Oh, Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
Sheldon: You flatter me, sir.
Raj: Well, I’m going back to India. What’s your plan?
Howard: In romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.
Howard: Before you and Penny hooked up, did she ask for any kind of commitment?
Leonard: No, she was pretty clear about wanting to keep her options open.
Sheldon: Thank you Kripke for depriving me of the oppotunity to share my news with my friends!
Kripke: My pleasure!
Sheldon: My thank you was not sincere.
Kripke: Hm, but my pleasure is!
Sheldon: My mother is very excited. She’s convening her Bible study group to listen in, and then pray for my soul.
Penny: Yo, Raj, talk to me.
Howard: She wants a commitment and I’m not sure she’s my type.
Penny: She agreed to go out with you for free. What more do you need?
Howard: Look, Bernadette is really nice. I just always thought when I finally settle down into a relationship, it would be with someone, you know, different.
Penny: Different how?
Howard: Well, you know, more like Megan Fox from Transformers, or Katee Sackhoff from Battlestar Galactica.
Penny: Are you high?
Leonard: You’d have a better shot with the three-breasted Martian hooker from Total Recall. Howard: Okay, now you’re just being unrealistic.
Penny: Howard, you’re going to throw away a great girl like Bernadette because you’re holding out for some ridiculous fantasy?
Howard: Hey, just because you settled doesn’t mean I have to.
Leonard: Excuse me, I’m sitting here.
Penny: Hey, I did not settle for Leonard. I mean, obviously, he isn’t the kind of guy I usually go out with, you know, physically.
Leonard: Again, I’m right here.
Penny: My point is, I do not judge a book by its cover. I am interested in the person underneath.
Leonard: I am here, right? You see me.
Howard: So nice you could join me this evening, you're looking lovely as always.
Katee Sackhoff: Thanks Howard, always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies.
Raj: We are from the Lollipop guild and we want you!
Raj: You can’t sink. With all that helium in you, you’re lucky you don’t float away.
Raj: I didn't come here to help, I came here to mock.
Penny: Oh, gee, you’re too late. Scarlett Johansson and Wonder Woman were just in here trolling around for neurotic, little weasels.
Howard: I’m never going to find another girl like you who likes me and is, you know, real.
Raj: Oh, Sheldon, you remind me of a young Lex Luthor.
Sheldon: You flatter me, sir.
Raj: Well, I’m going back to India. What’s your plan?
lycka
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4/18/2011
Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.
Raj: We did it. We have the west coast feed of HBO.
Howard: Ooh, Real Sex.
Raj: Big deal. Every time I watch that show it’s old women putting condoms on cucumbers.
Sheldon: Well, it does seem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash.
Leonard: I wish Penny didn’t have to work, she loves camping.
Raj: Yeah, that would have been great. You and Penny having sex in the tent while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus.
Sheldon: My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.
Penny: One was already in an accident.
Sheldon: That doesn’t mean one won’t be in another, especially if I’m driving.
Penny: I don’t want you to see me naked.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, that’s understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice.
Penny: Yeah, great.
Sheldon: They always look. It never ends well.
Penny: Is that my arm?
Sheldon: It doesn’t feel like an arm.
Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go.
Sheldon: All righty.
Leonard: Stars are pretty, aren’t they?
Howard: Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky.
Raj: That’s beautiful, dude. You should… You should write that down before someone steals it.
Sheldon: Where is the passenger side mirror?
Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood.
Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.
Leonard: I hate my name. It has nerd in it. Len nerd.
Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie.
Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first.
Leonard: You know what’s a cool name? Angelo. That has angel and jell-o in it.
Howard: It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral. We were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen.
Penny: Oh, god, I’m gonna lose the arm.
Sheldon: And how did the accident occur?
Penny: You ready know that.
Sheldon: Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducks.
Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.
Penny: Change migraine to yes.
Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period?
Penny: Oh, next question.
Sheldon: I’ll put, in progress.
Penny: Ass.
Sheldon: Possible Tourette’s. All right, moles, lesions or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock.
Penny: Hey, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please just take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don’t know, comforting?
Sheldon: I’m sorry. There, there. Everything’s going to be fine. Sheldon’s here.
Penny: Thanks. That’s much better.
Penny: Wait. You have to help me get into bed. Sheldon has to get me into bed. Bet you never thought I’d say that.
Sheldon: Yes. The charm of your drug addled candour knows no bounds.
Penny: You know, people think you’re this weird robot man who’s so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but then it’s like that movie Wall-E at the end. You’re so full of love, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs.
Sheldon: That’s a fairly laboured metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.
Raj: …And the next morning when he woke up, he rolled over and realized… duh-duh-duh! …she was his cousin.
Howard: That’s still not funny.
Raj: That’s still not funny.
Howard: And she was my second cousin.
Raj: And she was my second cousin.
Howard: You’re a real douche.
Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin.
Howard: Ooh, Real Sex.
Raj: Big deal. Every time I watch that show it’s old women putting condoms on cucumbers.
Sheldon: Well, it does seem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash.
Leonard: I wish Penny didn’t have to work, she loves camping.
Raj: Yeah, that would have been great. You and Penny having sex in the tent while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus.
Sheldon: My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.
Penny: One was already in an accident.
Sheldon: That doesn’t mean one won’t be in another, especially if I’m driving.
Penny: I don’t want you to see me naked.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, that’s understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice.
Penny: Yeah, great.
Sheldon: They always look. It never ends well.
Penny: Is that my arm?
Sheldon: It doesn’t feel like an arm.
Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go.
Sheldon: All righty.
Leonard: Stars are pretty, aren’t they?
Howard: Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky.
Raj: That’s beautiful, dude. You should… You should write that down before someone steals it.
Sheldon: Where is the passenger side mirror?
Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood.
Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.
Leonard: I hate my name. It has nerd in it. Len nerd.
Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie.
Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first.
Leonard: You know what’s a cool name? Angelo. That has angel and jell-o in it.
Howard: It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral. We were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen.
Penny: Oh, god, I’m gonna lose the arm.
Sheldon: And how did the accident occur?
Penny: You ready know that.
Sheldon: Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducks.
Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.
Penny: Change migraine to yes.
Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period?
Penny: Oh, next question.
Sheldon: I’ll put, in progress.
Penny: Ass.
Sheldon: Possible Tourette’s. All right, moles, lesions or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock.
Penny: Hey, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please just take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don’t know, comforting?
Sheldon: I’m sorry. There, there. Everything’s going to be fine. Sheldon’s here.
Penny: Thanks. That’s much better.
Penny: Wait. You have to help me get into bed. Sheldon has to get me into bed. Bet you never thought I’d say that.
Sheldon: Yes. The charm of your drug addled candour knows no bounds.
Penny: You know, people think you’re this weird robot man who’s so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but then it’s like that movie Wall-E at the end. You’re so full of love, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs.
Sheldon: That’s a fairly laboured metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.
Raj: …And the next morning when he woke up, he rolled over and realized… duh-duh-duh! …she was his cousin.
Howard: That’s still not funny.
Raj: That’s still not funny.
Howard: And she was my second cousin.
Raj: And she was my second cousin.
Howard: You’re a real douche.
Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin.
It’s like my girl, Beyonce says, if you like it, you shoulda put a ring on it.”
Sheldon: Research Lab is more than a game. It’s like the slogan says, the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real.
Leonard: We must not be playing it right.
Penny: Well, he’s definitely not gay.
Leonard: Oh, a definitely not gay musician sleeping on my girlfriend’s couch. Yippee.
Penny: Oh, and FYI, you never even heard of The Black Eyed Peas until you met me!
Leonard: I heard of ‘em. Didn’t know they were a band.
Leonard: What am I supposed to say? Sure, Penny, I’m cool with your old boyfriend sleeping in your apartment. Well, Leonard, it doesn’t matter if you’re cool or not because I’m Penny and I’m pretty and I can do whatever the hell I want! Oh, I get it! You think you’re doing me a favour just by being in a relationship with me! No, no, Leonard! I’m doing you a favour just by being in the same room as you!
Sheldon: Leonard! Stop the car!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I can’t listen to the two of you fight anymore.
Leonard: Calm down, we’ll make the movie.
Sheldon: I believe my alarm is appropriate, given the situation. The movie starts in 17 minutes, which means we’ll need to make all the lights on Colorado Boulevard, plus skip the concession stand, and preshow urination.
Raj: Oh, dude, I wish you had said something before I pounded that last Red Bull.
Sheldon: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago I told you not to talk to her, and now look, we’re going to be late for the movies.
Raj: Maybe it means something different in this country. Back in India, it means you’re upset with a guy named Howard!
Raj: Sorry doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy. Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? Rice!
Howard: Yeah, well, you think I was having fun, sitting around all night listening to my mother say “Have you ever peed so much in your life?”
Raj: Oh, my God, you are such a mama’s boy.
Howard: Hey, don’t bring my mother into this!
Raj: You brought your mother into this!
Raj: I don’t care! And why don’t you think I can find a woman for myself?
Mrs Koothrappali: Because you’re 27, and the closest thing we have to a daughter-in-law is that Jewish boy Howard.
Leonard: Hey, Stuart, have you seen Sheldon?
Stuart: Yeah, he’s, uh, over in the graphic novel section. Built himself a little nest.
Penny: But no matter what happens between us, we will always love you. Right, Leonard?
Leonard: Always is a long time. Sure. Always.
Leonard: We must not be playing it right.
Penny: Well, he’s definitely not gay.
Leonard: Oh, a definitely not gay musician sleeping on my girlfriend’s couch. Yippee.
Penny: Oh, and FYI, you never even heard of The Black Eyed Peas until you met me!
Leonard: I heard of ‘em. Didn’t know they were a band.
Leonard: What am I supposed to say? Sure, Penny, I’m cool with your old boyfriend sleeping in your apartment. Well, Leonard, it doesn’t matter if you’re cool or not because I’m Penny and I’m pretty and I can do whatever the hell I want! Oh, I get it! You think you’re doing me a favour just by being in a relationship with me! No, no, Leonard! I’m doing you a favour just by being in the same room as you!
Sheldon: Leonard! Stop the car!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I can’t listen to the two of you fight anymore.
Leonard: Calm down, we’ll make the movie.
Sheldon: I believe my alarm is appropriate, given the situation. The movie starts in 17 minutes, which means we’ll need to make all the lights on Colorado Boulevard, plus skip the concession stand, and preshow urination.
Raj: Oh, dude, I wish you had said something before I pounded that last Red Bull.
Sheldon: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago I told you not to talk to her, and now look, we’re going to be late for the movies.
Raj: Maybe it means something different in this country. Back in India, it means you’re upset with a guy named Howard!
Raj: Sorry doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy. Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? Rice!
Howard: Yeah, well, you think I was having fun, sitting around all night listening to my mother say “Have you ever peed so much in your life?”
Raj: Oh, my God, you are such a mama’s boy.
Howard: Hey, don’t bring my mother into this!
Raj: You brought your mother into this!
Raj: I don’t care! And why don’t you think I can find a woman for myself?
Mrs Koothrappali: Because you’re 27, and the closest thing we have to a daughter-in-law is that Jewish boy Howard.
Leonard: Hey, Stuart, have you seen Sheldon?
Stuart: Yeah, he’s, uh, over in the graphic novel section. Built himself a little nest.
Penny: But no matter what happens between us, we will always love you. Right, Leonard?
Leonard: Always is a long time. Sure. Always.
All right, Poindexter, sit down, shut up and listen.
Leonard: Well, this sucks.
Sheldon: I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?
Leonard: Maybe I embarrass her.
Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.
Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.
Leonard: I think I'm starting to get this.
Rajesh: Really? The only thing I've learnt in the last 2 hours is that American men drink a lot of beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections.
Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials Raj.
Raj: I’m just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.
Raj: Paint green flames on your little scooter with her.
Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make!
Howard: Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?
Leonard: I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in.
Sheldon: If you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.
Sheldon: That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?
Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.
Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty.
Howard: At least I can talk to women without being drunk.
Rajesh: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognised medical disorder. You're just a douche.
Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie.
Leonard: You know I'm lactose intolerant.
Penny: I know; I just need you to stop talking.
Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.
Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis?
Leonard: Mimesis?
Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.
Leonard: What the hell are you talking about?
Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with you without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
Sheldon: I’m sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?
Leonard: Maybe I embarrass her.
Sheldon: You’re embarrassing me right now, a grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.
Raj: You’re a sucky friend, you know that? A sucky, sucky friend.
Leonard: I think I'm starting to get this.
Rajesh: Really? The only thing I've learnt in the last 2 hours is that American men drink a lot of beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections.
Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials Raj.
Raj: I’m just saying, maybe if you people cut back on the beer, you could get out of the bathroom and satisfy your women without pharmaceutical help.
Raj: Paint green flames on your little scooter with her.
Howard: It’s not a little scooter. It’s the second biggest Vespa they make!
Howard: Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?
Leonard: I’m going to Penny’s on Saturday to watch a game with her friends and I don’t want to look like an idiot. I want to blend in.
Sheldon: If you want to blend in with Penny’s friends, I’d think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.
Sheldon: That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?
Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.
Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty.
Howard: At least I can talk to women without being drunk.
Rajesh: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognised medical disorder. You're just a douche.
Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie.
Leonard: You know I'm lactose intolerant.
Penny: I know; I just need you to stop talking.
Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.
Sheldon: So Leonard, how goes the mimesis?
Leonard: Mimesis?
Sheldon: You know. Mimesis. An action in which the mimic takes on the properties of a specific object or organism. Mimesis.
Leonard: What the hell are you talking about?
Sheldon: I’m attempting to communicate with you without my meaning becoming apparent to those around you. Let me try again. Have the indigenous fauna accepted you as one of their own? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
4/17/2011
a pinky swear
Leonard: Still can’t believe she’s going out with me.
Raj: Nobody can.
Raj: Hey, how come I wasn’t part of this deal?
Sheldon: You had left the refreshment stand in order to indulge in your customary preemptive pre-show urination.
Raj: Oh, so that’s how it works? I have a teeny bladder and now I don’t get a hot girlfriend?
Howard: Yeah, Raj, that’s how it works.
Raj: Damn.
Leonard: What am I supposed to say? Penny, do you have any friends you’d like to never hear from again?
Howard: Come on, I’m smart, I have good job and I have only three percent body fat.
Raj: It’s true. I’ve seen him at the beach, he’s like a human chicken wing.
Penny: The heart wants what the heart wants, Leonard.
Stuart: Hey, Sheldon, the new Green Lantern figurine’s coming in tomorrow. Want me to set one aside for you?
Sheldon: Thank you. You just robbed me of the opportunity to stumble upon the figurine and make the oh-so-satisfying journey from discovery to desire to possession.
Sheldon: Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my all-time enemies list, right between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle.
Raj: Sign here.
Sheldon: From hell’s heart, I stab at thee.
Stuart: All right, Raj, looks like you’re teamed up with die, Wil Wheaton, die.
Howard: So, tell me more about the future mother of my children.
Howard: So what did you tell her about me? Did you mention the body fat?
Penny: No, I thought that would be a nice surprise for her.
Howard: Good, good.
Penny: I just told her you’re an aerospace engineer, you speak five languages…
Howard: Six if you count Klingon.
Leonard: Girls don’t count Klingon, Howard. Right?
Penny: Right. Oh, and I told her you have an unhealthy attachment to your mother.
Howard: What?
Penny: I’m kidding.
Leonard: Another delightful surprise for her.
Leonard: Gonna be a long night.
Penny: Yeah, well, it’s your fault.
Leonard: I had to ask. You didn’t have to say yes.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.
Howard: Puppies? Where do you stand on puppies?
Bernadette: A puppy once bit my face.
Howard: Of course it did.
Bernadette: Okay, well, does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning like you’re nine years old?
Howard: You live with your mother?
Bernadette: No. That’s the sad part.
Howard: My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn’t pick up a disease from the other children.
Bernadette: That’s nothing. I couldn’t ride a bicycle ’cause my mother was afraid I’d hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Penny: Am I a matchmaker or what?
Raj: No! Not enchanted bunny!
Raj: Nobody can.
Raj: Hey, how come I wasn’t part of this deal?
Sheldon: You had left the refreshment stand in order to indulge in your customary preemptive pre-show urination.
Raj: Oh, so that’s how it works? I have a teeny bladder and now I don’t get a hot girlfriend?
Howard: Yeah, Raj, that’s how it works.
Raj: Damn.
Leonard: What am I supposed to say? Penny, do you have any friends you’d like to never hear from again?
Howard: Come on, I’m smart, I have good job and I have only three percent body fat.
Raj: It’s true. I’ve seen him at the beach, he’s like a human chicken wing.
Penny: The heart wants what the heart wants, Leonard.
Stuart: Hey, Sheldon, the new Green Lantern figurine’s coming in tomorrow. Want me to set one aside for you?
Sheldon: Thank you. You just robbed me of the opportunity to stumble upon the figurine and make the oh-so-satisfying journey from discovery to desire to possession.
Sheldon: Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my all-time enemies list, right between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle.
Raj: Sign here.
Sheldon: From hell’s heart, I stab at thee.
Stuart: All right, Raj, looks like you’re teamed up with die, Wil Wheaton, die.
Howard: So, tell me more about the future mother of my children.
Howard: So what did you tell her about me? Did you mention the body fat?
Penny: No, I thought that would be a nice surprise for her.
Howard: Good, good.
Penny: I just told her you’re an aerospace engineer, you speak five languages…
Howard: Six if you count Klingon.
Leonard: Girls don’t count Klingon, Howard. Right?
Penny: Right. Oh, and I told her you have an unhealthy attachment to your mother.
Howard: What?
Penny: I’m kidding.
Leonard: Another delightful surprise for her.
Leonard: Gonna be a long night.
Penny: Yeah, well, it’s your fault.
Leonard: I had to ask. You didn’t have to say yes.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.
Howard: Puppies? Where do you stand on puppies?
Bernadette: A puppy once bit my face.
Howard: Of course it did.
Bernadette: Okay, well, does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning like you’re nine years old?
Howard: You live with your mother?
Bernadette: No. That’s the sad part.
Howard: My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn’t pick up a disease from the other children.
Bernadette: That’s nothing. I couldn’t ride a bicycle ’cause my mother was afraid I’d hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Penny: Am I a matchmaker or what?
Raj: No! Not enchanted bunny!
4/16/2011
We are lost boys, children of the night.
Sheldon: The math would suggest that in a few I’m a clown made of candy. But I don’t dance.
Sheldon: It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone.
Penny: Oh, you’re my little homunculus.
Penny: I give up. He's impossible!
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist! I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.
Sheldon: Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.
Penny: Oh man, did the KISS Army repeal 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell?
Howard: They're called tattoo sleeves... Put them on, have freaky sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetary.
Howard: I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.
Leonard: They're gonna get beaten up at that club.
Penny: They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.
Raj: I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.
Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.
Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?
Howard: Hello, it looks like blood.
Sheldon: It's not cartoons, it's anime!
Leonard: Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.
Sarah: What’s goth food?
Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?
Raj: Are you happy now?
Howard: Not particularly.
Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.
Girl: What are you gonna get, Raj?
Raj: With my luck - Hepatitis!
Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.
Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?
Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
Sheldon: It’s an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone.
Penny: Oh, you’re my little homunculus.
Penny: I give up. He's impossible!
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist! I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.
Sheldon: Penny, it’s as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches.
Penny: Oh man, did the KISS Army repeal 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell?
Howard: They're called tattoo sleeves... Put them on, have freaky sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetary.
Howard: I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner.
Leonard: They're gonna get beaten up at that club.
Penny: They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.
Raj: I think we’re fitting in quite nicely.
Howard: It’d help if you weren’t drinking light beer.
Raj: Oh, what’s so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?
Howard: Hello, it looks like blood.
Sheldon: It's not cartoons, it's anime!
Leonard: Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.
Sarah: What’s goth food?
Raj: Uh… blackened salmon?
Raj: Are you happy now?
Howard: Not particularly.
Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can’t tell me that you’re not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.
Girl: What are you gonna get, Raj?
Raj: With my luck - Hepatitis!
Raj: When we tell this story, let’s end it differently.
Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number?
Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
4/15/2011
we thought you two would be having bouncy naked yum-yum night.
Sheldon: Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don't you think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?
Raj: Give it up, dude, you’re arguing with a crazy person.
Raj: Take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.
Howard:I think that you and Penny had a poor night!
Leonard: It wasn't poor! It was... just fine!
Raj: Dude, the fourth Harry Potter movie was just fine!
Howard: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.
Sheldon: If you three spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments.
Sheldon: I sense I may have crossed some sort of line.
Penny: See, we should’ve done this last night, you know, have a little wine, take the edge off.
Leonard: Actually, ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates reuptake receptors of inhibitory neurotransmitters like gamma-aminobutyric acid.
Penny: Don’t talk, just drink.
Raj: I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.
Penny: Oh, sweetie. You really can’t hold your liquor, can you?
Leonard: I’m okay. Just a little mouthwash, and then I’m gonna rock your world.
Howard: All right, Sheldon, here we go, Kleingast’s Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey, Toby. Right here, see it? The common field cricket, aka Gryllus assimilis, which is Latin for suck it, you lose.
Sheldon: Hang on. Voilà, the snowy tree cricket, aka Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I’ll suck nothing. Of course I’m joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.
Howard: That is not Toby, this is Toby.
Sheldon: Raj, what do you think?
Raj: Oh, I really don’t care anymore
Leonard: I bet I could throw a rock in this room and come up with three better friends!
Raj: Holy crap. It’s like Silence of the Lambs down here.
Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
Raj: Give it up, dude, you’re arguing with a crazy person.
Raj: Take advantage of that window of opportunity before it slams shut on your little dinky.
Howard:I think that you and Penny had a poor night!
Leonard: It wasn't poor! It was... just fine!
Raj: Dude, the fourth Harry Potter movie was just fine!
Howard: Sex is never the way I dreamed it was going to be.
Raj: Because in your dreams, you're a horse from the waist down.
Sheldon: If you three spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments.
Sheldon: I sense I may have crossed some sort of line.
Penny: See, we should’ve done this last night, you know, have a little wine, take the edge off.
Leonard: Actually, ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells and stimulates reuptake receptors of inhibitory neurotransmitters like gamma-aminobutyric acid.
Penny: Don’t talk, just drink.
Raj: I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.
Penny: Oh, sweetie. You really can’t hold your liquor, can you?
Leonard: I’m okay. Just a little mouthwash, and then I’m gonna rock your world.
Howard: All right, Sheldon, here we go, Kleingast’s Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey, Toby. Right here, see it? The common field cricket, aka Gryllus assimilis, which is Latin for suck it, you lose.
Sheldon: Hang on. Voilà, the snowy tree cricket, aka Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I’ll suck nothing. Of course I’m joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.
Howard: That is not Toby, this is Toby.
Sheldon: Raj, what do you think?
Raj: Oh, I really don’t care anymore
Leonard: I bet I could throw a rock in this room and come up with three better friends!
Raj: Holy crap. It’s like Silence of the Lambs down here.
Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
Man, I cannot catch a break.
e1 s3
Sheldon: No mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I am home safe does not prove it worked, that logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.
Sheldon: Hello, old friend. Daddy’s home.
Howard: Damn it! I should've gone over and told we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come first serve.
Howard: Damn his Vulcan hearing.
Howard: We agreed to never speak of it again.
Sheldon: So we slept together naked. It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting.
Howard: He’s speaking about it.
Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.
Raj: It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian. You see that? I added the ensian.
Sheldon: I was being fed false data at the hands of Wolowitz, Koothrappali and your furry little boy toy.
Penny: Soft kitty, warm kitty…
Sheldon: That’s for when I’m sick. Sad is not sick.
Penny: Oh. Sorry. I don’t know your sad song.
Sheldon: I don’t have a sad song. I’m not a child.
Raj: I like the new look.
Howard: Thanks... I call it the Clooney.
Raj: I call it the Mario and Luigi but whatever.
Penny: Oh, Leonard, you shouldn’t have. Oh, boy! What is it?
Leonard: It’s a snowflake. From the North Pole.
Penny: Are you serious?
Leonard: Uh-huh. It’ll last forever. I preserved it in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.
Penny: Oh, my God. That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me that I didn’t understand.
Mrs Cooper: Amen. Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?
Sheldon: My objection was based on considerations other than difficulty.
Mrs Cooper: Whatever. Jesus still loves you.
Sheldon: They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.
Mrs Cooper: Oh baby, they knew very well why they hated you.
Leonard: Would please take off that stupid hat?
Howard: No, I want to blend in.
Raj: To what? Toy Story.
Mrs Cooper: Oh, you still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because, you know, at our church we have a woman who’s an amazing healer. Mostly she does, uh, crutch and wheelchair people, but I bet she’d be willing to take a shot at whatever Third World demon is running around inside of you.
Leonard: Mrs. Cooper, there’s a 3:05 nonstop back to Los Angeles, and you have no idea how much I want to be on it.
Mrs Cooper: A girl?
Leonard: Uh, yes, ma’am.
Mrs Cooper: Oh, good. I’ve been praying for you. Oh, Sheldon.
Sheldon: No mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I am home safe does not prove it worked, that logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.
Sheldon: Hello, old friend. Daddy’s home.
Howard: Damn it! I should've gone over and told we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come first serve.
Howard: Damn his Vulcan hearing.
Howard: We agreed to never speak of it again.
Sheldon: So we slept together naked. It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting.
Howard: He’s speaking about it.
Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.
Raj: It was the only way to keep you from being such a huge Dickensian. You see that? I added the ensian.
Sheldon: I was being fed false data at the hands of Wolowitz, Koothrappali and your furry little boy toy.
Penny: Soft kitty, warm kitty…
Sheldon: That’s for when I’m sick. Sad is not sick.
Penny: Oh. Sorry. I don’t know your sad song.
Sheldon: I don’t have a sad song. I’m not a child.
Raj: I like the new look.
Howard: Thanks... I call it the Clooney.
Raj: I call it the Mario and Luigi but whatever.
Penny: Oh, Leonard, you shouldn’t have. Oh, boy! What is it?
Leonard: It’s a snowflake. From the North Pole.
Penny: Are you serious?
Leonard: Uh-huh. It’ll last forever. I preserved it in a one percent solution of polyvinyl acetal resin.
Penny: Oh, my God. That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me that I didn’t understand.
Mrs Cooper: Amen. Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?
Sheldon: My objection was based on considerations other than difficulty.
Mrs Cooper: Whatever. Jesus still loves you.
Sheldon: They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.
Mrs Cooper: Oh baby, they knew very well why they hated you.
Leonard: Would please take off that stupid hat?
Howard: No, I want to blend in.
Raj: To what? Toy Story.
Mrs Cooper: Oh, you still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because, you know, at our church we have a woman who’s an amazing healer. Mostly she does, uh, crutch and wheelchair people, but I bet she’d be willing to take a shot at whatever Third World demon is running around inside of you.
Leonard: Mrs. Cooper, there’s a 3:05 nonstop back to Los Angeles, and you have no idea how much I want to be on it.
Mrs Cooper: A girl?
Leonard: Uh, yes, ma’am.
Mrs Cooper: Oh, good. I’ve been praying for you. Oh, Sheldon.
4/14/2011
BAZINGA!
Leonard: There’s nothing wrong with the science here.
Sheldon: Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science.
Sheldon: Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00 and move my bowels at 8:20.
Leonard: Yes, how did we live before Twitter?
Sheldon: I’m on the horns of a dilemma. Can you imagine me, Sheldon Cooper, at the North Pole?
Leonard: Easy peasy, I’m doing it right now.
Howard: Just imagine. If he says yes, we’ll have an entire summer without Sheldon.
Raj: We could play outside.
Howard: We could sit on the left side of the couch.
Leonard: I could use the bathroom at 8:20.
Raj: Our dreams are very small, aren’t they?
Raj: But if we were part of the team that confirmed string theory, we could drink for free in any bar in any college town with a university that has a strong science program.
Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
Howard: I could also be the engineer who builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.
Raj: You still might get on a magazine.
Howard: And you think you can put up with Sheldon?
Raj: Well, I’m a Hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I’m reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!
Penny: Just a warning, Sheldon, the freezer locks from the outside.
Leonard: Did she seem upset to you?
Sheldon: No. Did she seem upset to you?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Oh, good, I got it right. Are you upset?
Leonard: A little bit.
Sheldon: Two for two. I’m on fire.
Leonard: I mean, I know she’s not my girlfriend or anything, but wouldn’t you think she’d feel a little bad that I’m going to be gone for the whole summer?
Sheldon: That feels like a bonus question. I’m going to stop here while I’m ahead, but I’ve had a great time.
Sheldon: Wolowitz, you will be completing a series of delicate surgical procedures on the classic children’s game, Operation. To begin with, you will remove funny bone for two hundred dollars.
Howard: For this I went to MIT.
Sheldon: I want a cookie, Meemaw.
Leonard: I don't think I can go to the North Pole.
Sheldon: OK, Leonard, I know you're concerned about disappointing me, but I want you to take comfort from the knowledge that my expectations of you are very low.
Leonard: What about that really long hug? What did that mean?
Penny: That wasn’t a long hug.
Leonard: It was at least five Mississippis. A standard hug is two Mississippis tops.
Howard: There’s no time for a crossbow. Find me an icicle.
Sheldon: Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science.
Sheldon: Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00 and move my bowels at 8:20.
Leonard: Yes, how did we live before Twitter?
Sheldon: I’m on the horns of a dilemma. Can you imagine me, Sheldon Cooper, at the North Pole?
Leonard: Easy peasy, I’m doing it right now.
Howard: Just imagine. If he says yes, we’ll have an entire summer without Sheldon.
Raj: We could play outside.
Howard: We could sit on the left side of the couch.
Leonard: I could use the bathroom at 8:20.
Raj: Our dreams are very small, aren’t they?
Raj: But if we were part of the team that confirmed string theory, we could drink for free in any bar in any college town with a university that has a strong science program.
Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
Howard: I could also be the engineer who builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.
Raj: You still might get on a magazine.
Howard: And you think you can put up with Sheldon?
Raj: Well, I’m a Hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I’m reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!
Penny: Just a warning, Sheldon, the freezer locks from the outside.
Leonard: Did she seem upset to you?
Sheldon: No. Did she seem upset to you?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Oh, good, I got it right. Are you upset?
Leonard: A little bit.
Sheldon: Two for two. I’m on fire.
Leonard: I mean, I know she’s not my girlfriend or anything, but wouldn’t you think she’d feel a little bad that I’m going to be gone for the whole summer?
Sheldon: That feels like a bonus question. I’m going to stop here while I’m ahead, but I’ve had a great time.
Sheldon: Wolowitz, you will be completing a series of delicate surgical procedures on the classic children’s game, Operation. To begin with, you will remove funny bone for two hundred dollars.
Howard: For this I went to MIT.
Sheldon: I want a cookie, Meemaw.
Leonard: I don't think I can go to the North Pole.
Sheldon: OK, Leonard, I know you're concerned about disappointing me, but I want you to take comfort from the knowledge that my expectations of you are very low.
Leonard: What about that really long hug? What did that mean?
Penny: That wasn’t a long hug.
Leonard: It was at least five Mississippis. A standard hug is two Mississippis tops.
Howard: There’s no time for a crossbow. Find me an icicle.
It’s a regular Manhattan Project.
Raj: Have you been selling your sperm again?
Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Spoiler alert.
Stuart: I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing.So, my mind is going into it pre-blown. And once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown.
Stuart: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.
Howard: Hey, you want to make sure Stuart gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.
Howard: Guys, we have a code red.
Sheldon: Do you mean code red the hospital emergency alert, code red the computer worm, or code red the cherry flavoured soft drink from the makers of Mountain Dew?
Leonard: If you touch her, she’ll break.
Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry.
Raj: Of course you feel terrible. You completely screwed up your karma, dude.
Sheldon: You don’t really believe in that superstition, do you?
Raj: It’s not superstition. It’s practically Newtonian. For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Leonard pretends to be a friend and acts like a two-faced bitch, therefore, he is reborn as a banana slug. It’s actually a very elegant system, you know, what goes around comes around.
Howard: Speaking of what goes around comes around…
Raj: If you really want to clean up your karma, go get my freakin’ latte.
Howard: Hold on, you can go to the comic book store when man can once again safely poop in space.
Howard: I got your back, sister.
Sheldon: I don’t see why I have to worry. My career’s not hanging in the balance. That was a joke. It’s funny, because it’s true.
Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Spoiler alert.
Stuart: I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing.So, my mind is going into it pre-blown. And once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown.
Stuart: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.
Howard: Hey, you want to make sure Stuart gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.
Howard: Guys, we have a code red.
Sheldon: Do you mean code red the hospital emergency alert, code red the computer worm, or code red the cherry flavoured soft drink from the makers of Mountain Dew?
Leonard: If you touch her, she’ll break.
Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry.
Raj: Of course you feel terrible. You completely screwed up your karma, dude.
Sheldon: You don’t really believe in that superstition, do you?
Raj: It’s not superstition. It’s practically Newtonian. For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Leonard pretends to be a friend and acts like a two-faced bitch, therefore, he is reborn as a banana slug. It’s actually a very elegant system, you know, what goes around comes around.
Howard: Speaking of what goes around comes around…
Raj: If you really want to clean up your karma, go get my freakin’ latte.
Howard: Hold on, you can go to the comic book store when man can once again safely poop in space.
Howard: I got your back, sister.
Sheldon: I don’t see why I have to worry. My career’s not hanging in the balance. That was a joke. It’s funny, because it’s true.
Disneyland can suck it. This is the real happiest place on Earth.
Howard: Is there a picture of you in my wallet wearing a metal bikini?
Leonard: God, I hope not.
Raj: Do you kind of look like a shiny Sheldon?
Howard: You’ve reached friends with benefits. For a booty call, press one now.
Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?
Howard: Of course I had feelings for her, I saw her naked for God’s sake!
Sheldon: You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
Raj: Is it me, or was that Sheldon’s way of saying Vegas baby!
Raj: What do you say Howard?
Howard: I say Vegas baby!
Raj: What are you gonna tell your mother?
Howard: Sea World baby!
Sheldon: And how are you doing this fine evening?
Penny: Great.
Sheldon: Good. I’m glad.
Penny: Really? Are you drunk?
Raj: That’s the spirit, Howard. Yes, we can.
Wolowitz: Raj, there's no place for truth on the Internet.
Raj: Oh, we should have a plan in case one of us gets lucky.
Leonard: Okay, uh, if I get lucky I’ll take her to my stately manor outside Gotham City, and if you get lucky, I’ll sleep on the moon.
Raj: Sounds like a plan.
Raj: Party is my middle name.
Raj: You better call the moon and you make sure that they have a bed for you.
Raj: Maybe I can save her.
Leonard: Maybe, but I’m guessing it will cost you about $500 an hour to try.
Raj: She is exactly Howard's type. A hooker.
Sheldon: I’m homesick.
Penny: Your home is twenty feet from here.
Sheldon: Twenty feet, twenty light years, it doesn’t matter. It’s in a galaxy far, far away.
Leonard: God, I hope not.
Raj: Do you kind of look like a shiny Sheldon?
Howard: You’ve reached friends with benefits. For a booty call, press one now.
Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?
Howard: Of course I had feelings for her, I saw her naked for God’s sake!
Sheldon: You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
Raj: Is it me, or was that Sheldon’s way of saying Vegas baby!
Raj: What do you say Howard?
Howard: I say Vegas baby!
Raj: What are you gonna tell your mother?
Howard: Sea World baby!
Sheldon: And how are you doing this fine evening?
Penny: Great.
Sheldon: Good. I’m glad.
Penny: Really? Are you drunk?
Raj: That’s the spirit, Howard. Yes, we can.
Wolowitz: Raj, there's no place for truth on the Internet.
Raj: Oh, we should have a plan in case one of us gets lucky.
Leonard: Okay, uh, if I get lucky I’ll take her to my stately manor outside Gotham City, and if you get lucky, I’ll sleep on the moon.
Raj: Sounds like a plan.
Raj: Party is my middle name.
Raj: You better call the moon and you make sure that they have a bed for you.
Raj: Maybe I can save her.
Leonard: Maybe, but I’m guessing it will cost you about $500 an hour to try.
Raj: She is exactly Howard's type. A hooker.
Sheldon: I’m homesick.
Penny: Your home is twenty feet from here.
Sheldon: Twenty feet, twenty light years, it doesn’t matter. It’s in a galaxy far, far away.
4/13/2011
Anything Can Happen Thursday.
Howard: If I may proffer a suggestion, in bars all across this great nation of ours, Thursday night is Ladies’ Night. Which means, as the evening progresses, we will get better looking courtesy of 99 cent margaritas and two-for-one Jell-O shots.
Leonard: Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero.
Howard: I am a horny engineer, I never joke about math or sex.
Penny: Oh hey, guys, where’re you headed?
Sheldon: To the comic book store. You’re probably thinking, the comic book store? On a Thursday? Why, I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and into a land of madness. What you have failed to take into account, Penny, is that this is Anything Can Happen Thursday.
Raj: That’s right. She’s with us. Guys like that are so pathetic.
Howard: Tell me about it.
Penny: What would you recommend as a present for a 13-year-old boy?
Stuart: A 13-year-old girl. But if you’re dead set on a comic book, try this.
Leonard: I don’t believe it. Stuart’s putting the moves on Penny.
Howard: I have got to learn how to draw.
Sheldon: Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine/Star Trek The Original Series Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode?
Leonard: Apparently so.
Sheldon: Are you ill?
Leonard: Hey, Howard?
Howard: Yes.
Leonard: Take me to a bar with women.
Howard: The Three Musketeers just became the Dynamic Duo.
Leonard: Should we talk to some of these women?
Howard: It’s way too early in the night for that. See, first we let the lawyers and the jocks thin the herd, and then we go after the weak and the old and the lame.
Leonard: We’ve been sitting here all night and the longest conversation you’ve had with a woman was when your mom called.
Howard: Lucky bastard. It’s got to be that stupid accent of his.
Leonard: Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero.
Howard: I am a horny engineer, I never joke about math or sex.
Penny: Oh hey, guys, where’re you headed?
Sheldon: To the comic book store. You’re probably thinking, the comic book store? On a Thursday? Why, I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and into a land of madness. What you have failed to take into account, Penny, is that this is Anything Can Happen Thursday.
Raj: That’s right. She’s with us. Guys like that are so pathetic.
Howard: Tell me about it.
Penny: What would you recommend as a present for a 13-year-old boy?
Stuart: A 13-year-old girl. But if you’re dead set on a comic book, try this.
Leonard: I don’t believe it. Stuart’s putting the moves on Penny.
Howard: I have got to learn how to draw.
Sheldon: Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine/Star Trek The Original Series Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode?
Leonard: Apparently so.
Sheldon: Are you ill?
Leonard: Hey, Howard?
Howard: Yes.
Leonard: Take me to a bar with women.
Howard: The Three Musketeers just became the Dynamic Duo.
Leonard: Should we talk to some of these women?
Howard: It’s way too early in the night for that. See, first we let the lawyers and the jocks thin the herd, and then we go after the weak and the old and the lame.
Leonard: We’ve been sitting here all night and the longest conversation you’ve had with a woman was when your mom called.
Howard: Lucky bastard. It’s got to be that stupid accent of his.
Dead whore on TV, live one in real life.
Wolowitz: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number.
Sheldon: Hold on. You honestly expect me to believe that social protocol dictates we break our backs helping Wolowitz move, and then he only need buy us a pizza?
Leonard: I’m sorry, that really is how it works.
Sheldon: You’re tricking me. You tell me the truth, what do we get?
Leonard: Raj, help me out here.
Raj: You get to choose between a mountain bike or a PS3.
Sheldon: I knew it! PS3, definitely PS3, who would pick a mountain bike?
Leonard: Hey, Penny, it’s Leonard. Good news, you can take your head out of the oven.
Sheldon: Oh, no, the new ones, they’re here.
Sheldon: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says 'kitchen'.
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write 'cocaine' on the box?
Alicia: Cool t-shirt.
Penny: Oh, yeah, I don’t usually dress like this. I’m going jogging.
Sheldon: You don’t jog.
Penny: I can start.
Alicia: Please, you look cute. I’m dressed like a slob today, too.
Leonard: I think you look fantastic.
Alicia: This one’s a player, huh?
Penny: Oh, yeah, be careful.
Sheldon: You know, Penny, there’s something that occurs in beehives you might find interesting. Occasionally, a new queen will arrive while the old queen is still in power. When this happens, the old queen must either locate to a new hive or engage in a battle to the death until only one queen remains.
Penny: What are you saying, that I’m threatened by Alicia? That I’m like the old queen of the hive and it’s just time for me to go?
Sheldon: I’m just talking about bees. They’re on the discovery channel. What are you talking about?
Penny: Felt like getting some Chinese chow for my peeps.
Wolowitz: No, no, PMS is different.
Penny: They aren't like other guys. They're Special
Alicia: Okay, they're special and..?
Penny: Well let's see how can I explain this. Um. They don't know how to use their shields.
Alicia: Shields?
Penny: Yeah, You know like in Star Trek and you're in battle, and you raise the shields. Where the hell did that come from?
Wolowitz: Oh, my God! Girl fight!
Leonard: What are you doing?
Wolowitz: I know you. you’re stupid enough to break it up.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number.
Sheldon: Hold on. You honestly expect me to believe that social protocol dictates we break our backs helping Wolowitz move, and then he only need buy us a pizza?
Leonard: I’m sorry, that really is how it works.
Sheldon: You’re tricking me. You tell me the truth, what do we get?
Leonard: Raj, help me out here.
Raj: You get to choose between a mountain bike or a PS3.
Sheldon: I knew it! PS3, definitely PS3, who would pick a mountain bike?
Leonard: Hey, Penny, it’s Leonard. Good news, you can take your head out of the oven.
Sheldon: Oh, no, the new ones, they’re here.
Sheldon: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says 'kitchen'.
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write 'cocaine' on the box?
Alicia: Cool t-shirt.
Penny: Oh, yeah, I don’t usually dress like this. I’m going jogging.
Sheldon: You don’t jog.
Penny: I can start.
Alicia: Please, you look cute. I’m dressed like a slob today, too.
Leonard: I think you look fantastic.
Alicia: This one’s a player, huh?
Penny: Oh, yeah, be careful.
Sheldon: You know, Penny, there’s something that occurs in beehives you might find interesting. Occasionally, a new queen will arrive while the old queen is still in power. When this happens, the old queen must either locate to a new hive or engage in a battle to the death until only one queen remains.
Penny: What are you saying, that I’m threatened by Alicia? That I’m like the old queen of the hive and it’s just time for me to go?
Sheldon: I’m just talking about bees. They’re on the discovery channel. What are you talking about?
Penny: Felt like getting some Chinese chow for my peeps.
Wolowitz: No, no, PMS is different.
Penny: They aren't like other guys. They're Special
Alicia: Okay, they're special and..?
Penny: Well let's see how can I explain this. Um. They don't know how to use their shields.
Alicia: Shields?
Penny: Yeah, You know like in Star Trek and you're in battle, and you raise the shields. Where the hell did that come from?
Wolowitz: Oh, my God! Girl fight!
Leonard: What are you doing?
Wolowitz: I know you. you’re stupid enough to break it up.
The Fifth Annual East Rutherford, New Jersey, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Alliance Luau.
Sheldon: Despite my deep love of chess, lasers and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit.
Howard: We get some girls over here and play Laser Obstacle Strip Chess.
Leonard: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that, you don’t want to see naked.
Howard: You underestimate me.
Penny: I don’t have to pay taxes on this stuff.
Sheldon: I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree.
Penny: And you know about that stuff?
Sheldon: Penny, I’m a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
Penny: Who’s Radiohead?
Sheldon: I have a working knowledge of the important things in the universe.
Leonard: Terrific, but that kind of raises more questions than it answers.
Howard: It’s a common stripper problem. They dance, they sweat, they clump.
Howard: Uh, pretty much any way I say that is going to hurt his feelings.
Penny: It kind of looks like the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl.
Leonard: No, it doesn’t.
Howard: Please. Dateline could use it to attract predators.
Penny: Thank you, Penny Blossoms. These will be perfect to cover my bald spot. Aww, that is so sweet.
Penny: How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?
Wolowitz: We add Bluetooth.
Penny: Since when do we offer one day rush?
Leonard: Amazon offers one day rush.
Penny: Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together!
Leonard: Don’t yell at me. I’m not manufacturing. I’m just Web design.
Penny and Sheldon: She’ll be coming round the mountain.
Raj: You know, if I wanted to spend my Saturday nights doing this, I could have stayed in India.
Wolowitz: Oh, stop it with the fake third world crap. Your father is a gynecologist and you had a house full of servants.
Raj: We only had four servants, and two of them were children.
Sheldon: I believe I’m hearing some negativity on the factory floor.
Sheldon: Cause I sold my soul to the company store.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
Howard: Penny, although you may find it hard to believe, we do have lives.
Howard: We get some girls over here and play Laser Obstacle Strip Chess.
Leonard: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that, you don’t want to see naked.
Howard: You underestimate me.
Penny: I don’t have to pay taxes on this stuff.
Sheldon: I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree.
Penny: And you know about that stuff?
Sheldon: Penny, I’m a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
Penny: Who’s Radiohead?
Sheldon: I have a working knowledge of the important things in the universe.
Leonard: Terrific, but that kind of raises more questions than it answers.
Howard: It’s a common stripper problem. They dance, they sweat, they clump.
Howard: Uh, pretty much any way I say that is going to hurt his feelings.
Penny: It kind of looks like the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl.
Leonard: No, it doesn’t.
Howard: Please. Dateline could use it to attract predators.
Penny: Thank you, Penny Blossoms. These will be perfect to cover my bald spot. Aww, that is so sweet.
Penny: How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?
Wolowitz: We add Bluetooth.
Penny: Since when do we offer one day rush?
Leonard: Amazon offers one day rush.
Penny: Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together!
Leonard: Don’t yell at me. I’m not manufacturing. I’m just Web design.
Penny and Sheldon: She’ll be coming round the mountain.
Raj: You know, if I wanted to spend my Saturday nights doing this, I could have stayed in India.
Wolowitz: Oh, stop it with the fake third world crap. Your father is a gynecologist and you had a house full of servants.
Raj: We only had four servants, and two of them were children.
Sheldon: I believe I’m hearing some negativity on the factory floor.
Sheldon: Cause I sold my soul to the company store.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
Howard: Penny, although you may find it hard to believe, we do have lives.
4/11/2011
She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!
Penny: Here you go, Leonard. Is this going to be big enough?
Leonard: It’s perfect.
Howard: For taking daffodils to your unicorn.
Penny: When I go, I usually just get hammered and ride the cable cars.
Penny: Okay, now that I’ve been completely insulted, have a good flight.
Leonard: Yeah, I wish.
Sheldon: We’re not flying, we’re taking the train.
Penny: Oh, cool.
Howard: Yeah, cool. Seven times as long as flying, and costs almost twice as much.
Penny: Well, then why are you doing it?
Leonard: Well, we had a vote. Three of us voted for airplane, Sheldon voted for train, so we’re taking the train.
Sheldon: Don’t say it like that, Leonard, say it like: we’re taking the train!
Leonard: Sheldon, we’ve been on this train 90 seconds, and you’ve already said a thousand words. Just tell us where to sit and shut up.
Leonard: Maybe John Connor’s aboard and she’s protecting him from an evil Terminator.
Sheldon: Unlikely. That’s a television show, Leonard.
Leonard: Thank you.
Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance! I’ve actually got a shot at a Terminator.
Raj: Oh, please.When it comes to Terminators, you’ve got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Howard: You’re overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she’s willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.
Leonard: My money’s on tuck and roll.
Leonard: Why don’t you just try hello? Howard: No, no, no, that always creeps girls out.
Sheldon: It's brilliant. He needs to read it.
Sheldon: You forgot your flash drive, You forgot your flash drive
Leonard: Only ten hours, 55 minutes to go.
Leonard: Well, it seems once again you're caught between a rock and a crazy place.
Sheldon: Oh, I hate when that happens.
Howard: Do you believe him? Normally around women, he has the personality of a boiled potato. Put one beer in him, and he’s M. Night Charmalarmalon.
Howard: Hi, I’m the small package good things come in.
Howard: But before I go, would you mind if I just take one picture of us together for my Facebook page?
Summer: Sure.
Howard: Okay. Great. Now, can I take one where it looks like we’re making out?
Sheldon: So, I’m thinking, you won the Nobel Prize what, three years ago? So you must deal with a whole lot of what has Smoot done lately? My thought is we continue my research as a team, you know, Cooper-Smoot, alphabetical, and when we win the Nobel Prize, you’ll be back on top.
George Smoot: With all due respect, Dr. Cooper, are you on crack?
Sheldon: Fine! Smoot-Cooper. Wow, what a diva.
Leonard: It’s perfect.
Howard: For taking daffodils to your unicorn.
Penny: When I go, I usually just get hammered and ride the cable cars.
Penny: Okay, now that I’ve been completely insulted, have a good flight.
Leonard: Yeah, I wish.
Sheldon: We’re not flying, we’re taking the train.
Penny: Oh, cool.
Howard: Yeah, cool. Seven times as long as flying, and costs almost twice as much.
Penny: Well, then why are you doing it?
Leonard: Well, we had a vote. Three of us voted for airplane, Sheldon voted for train, so we’re taking the train.
Sheldon: Don’t say it like that, Leonard, say it like: we’re taking the train!
Leonard: Sheldon, we’ve been on this train 90 seconds, and you’ve already said a thousand words. Just tell us where to sit and shut up.
Leonard: Maybe John Connor’s aboard and she’s protecting him from an evil Terminator.
Sheldon: Unlikely. That’s a television show, Leonard.
Leonard: Thank you.
Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance! I’ve actually got a shot at a Terminator.
Raj: Oh, please.When it comes to Terminators, you’ve got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Howard: You’re overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she’s willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.
Leonard: My money’s on tuck and roll.
Leonard: Why don’t you just try hello? Howard: No, no, no, that always creeps girls out.
Sheldon: It's brilliant. He needs to read it.
Sheldon: You forgot your flash drive, You forgot your flash drive
Leonard: Only ten hours, 55 minutes to go.
Leonard: Well, it seems once again you're caught between a rock and a crazy place.
Sheldon: Oh, I hate when that happens.
Howard: Do you believe him? Normally around women, he has the personality of a boiled potato. Put one beer in him, and he’s M. Night Charmalarmalon.
Howard: Hi, I’m the small package good things come in.
Howard: But before I go, would you mind if I just take one picture of us together for my Facebook page?
Summer: Sure.
Howard: Okay. Great. Now, can I take one where it looks like we’re making out?
Sheldon: So, I’m thinking, you won the Nobel Prize what, three years ago? So you must deal with a whole lot of what has Smoot done lately? My thought is we continue my research as a team, you know, Cooper-Smoot, alphabetical, and when we win the Nobel Prize, you’ll be back on top.
George Smoot: With all due respect, Dr. Cooper, are you on crack?
Sheldon: Fine! Smoot-Cooper. Wow, what a diva.
He is one serious wackadoodle.
Raj: God, I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.
Wolowitz: Yeah, still funny, Raj.
Penny: How can I calm down? I’m gonna lose my whole shopping cart. That’s three hours of picking out shoes just shot to hell.
Leslie: Boy, your heart's racing. I must've really gotten you going.
Wolowitz: Well, it's partly you, partly my transient idiopathic arrhythmia.
Leslie: Sexy.
Penny: Oh, what are we gonna do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no, you had your chance to be we for, like, a year and a half now. Right now, you are you, and you are screwed.
Leonard: There’s no discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on. There, butt print.
Leonard: It’s too small and too perfect.
Penny: Thank you.
Leonard: You’re welcome.
Wolowitz: Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. Hey, baby...
Penny: His right hand is calling him?
Wolowitz: I’m just a bought-and-paid-for sex toy.
Leslie: No. No, not at all. You’re also arm candy.
Sheldon: What’s real? What isn’t? How can I know?
Wolowitz: Yeah, still funny, Raj.
Penny: How can I calm down? I’m gonna lose my whole shopping cart. That’s three hours of picking out shoes just shot to hell.
Leslie: Boy, your heart's racing. I must've really gotten you going.
Wolowitz: Well, it's partly you, partly my transient idiopathic arrhythmia.
Leslie: Sexy.
Penny: Oh, what are we gonna do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no, you had your chance to be we for, like, a year and a half now. Right now, you are you, and you are screwed.
Leonard: There’s no discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on. There, butt print.
Leonard: It’s too small and too perfect.
Penny: Thank you.
Leonard: You’re welcome.
Wolowitz: Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. Hey, baby...
Penny: His right hand is calling him?
Wolowitz: I’m just a bought-and-paid-for sex toy.
Leslie: No. No, not at all. You’re also arm candy.
Sheldon: What’s real? What isn’t? How can I know?
When I was ten years old, I built a hugging machine.
Penny: Fellas, please.
Howard: Penny, come on, we were just finding our sound.
Penny: You found it. It’s the sound of a cat being run over by a lawn mower.
Mrs. Hofstadter: If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.
Leonard: Good to see you, Mother.
Leonard: So, what are you guys talking about?
Sheldon: The frequency with which your parents had intercourse.
Leonard: Swell. If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll show you the PowerPoint presentation.
Mrs. Hofstadter: I have to urinate.
Sheldon: What a remarkable woman.
Leonard: Yeah I, I thought you guys might hit it off.
Leonard: Why are you doing this?
Howard: You know the rules. You brought your mom to work, you must suffer.
Mrs. Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
Howard: Say what?
Leonard: You brought your husband to work, you know the rules.
Leonard: You got alcohol?
Penny: Your mom still here?
Leonard: Yep.
Penny: Come on in.
Penny: You’re gonna lick the salt off my neck, do the shot, and then bite the lime.
Leonard: I’m sorry, I didn’t hear anything after lick.
Howard: Penny, come on, we were just finding our sound.
Penny: You found it. It’s the sound of a cat being run over by a lawn mower.
Mrs. Hofstadter: If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.
Leonard: Good to see you, Mother.
Leonard: So, what are you guys talking about?
Sheldon: The frequency with which your parents had intercourse.
Leonard: Swell. If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll show you the PowerPoint presentation.
Mrs. Hofstadter: I have to urinate.
Sheldon: What a remarkable woman.
Leonard: Yeah I, I thought you guys might hit it off.
Leonard: Why are you doing this?
Howard: You know the rules. You brought your mom to work, you must suffer.
Mrs. Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
Howard: Say what?
Leonard: You brought your husband to work, you know the rules.
Leonard: You got alcohol?
Penny: Your mom still here?
Leonard: Yep.
Penny: Come on in.
Penny: You’re gonna lick the salt off my neck, do the shot, and then bite the lime.
Leonard: I’m sorry, I didn’t hear anything after lick.
There’s always a couple of fifties in Green Lantern’s ass.
Sheldon: The problem appears to be unsolvable.
Raj: Maybe you could run some computer simulations.
Howard: There are too many variables. It would take forever.
Leonard: We’ve got to be missing something. Let’s start again. The movie is playing here at 7:20, here at 7:40, here at 8:10 and here at 8:45.
Sheldon: It occurs to me you could solve all your problems by obtaining more money.
Penny: Yes, it occurs to me, too.
Penny: You got a lot of money in there.
Sheldon: That’s why it’s guarded by snakes.
Leonard: Hey, Penny. How was work?
Penny: Great. I hope I’m a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory for my whole life.
Sheldon: Was that sarcasm?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Was that sarcasm?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Was that sarca..
Leonard: Stop it!
Leonard: Here you go. Oh, you owe me another two dollars. The price of mu-shu pork went up.
Howard: It’s getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew.
Leonard: No biggie.
Howard: He has a nervous bladder when he’s stressed out. Kind of like a puppy.
Leonard: Look, you do understand that Sheldon really doesn’t care when he gets the money back. It’s actually one of the few idiosyncrasies that doesn’t make you want to, you know, kill him.
Penny: He got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car.
Leonard: What?
Penny: He was drunk.
Leonard: I would hope so.
Sheldon: All right. Leonard fairly calls the question, who is in favour of abandoning our game and confronting Penny’s steroid-infused ex-boyfriend in a suicidal mission to extract money from him? Say hi to Kurt for us.
Leonard: Excuse me. When Frodo left the Shire to take the one ring to Mordor, didn’t Samwise, Pippin and Merry go with him?
Sheldon: They did.
Leonard: Well?
Sheldon: They had a terrible time of it, Leonard.
Leonard: OK, is everyone clear on the plan?
Howard: Yes, Koothrappali's going to wet himself, I'm gonna throw up, Sheldon's gonna run away and you're going to die.
Kurt: Where's your back up?
Leonard: I don't need back up, I have right on my side...and I'm wearing cargo shorts under my pants.
Raj: Maybe you could run some computer simulations.
Howard: There are too many variables. It would take forever.
Leonard: We’ve got to be missing something. Let’s start again. The movie is playing here at 7:20, here at 7:40, here at 8:10 and here at 8:45.
Sheldon: It occurs to me you could solve all your problems by obtaining more money.
Penny: Yes, it occurs to me, too.
Penny: You got a lot of money in there.
Sheldon: That’s why it’s guarded by snakes.
Leonard: Hey, Penny. How was work?
Penny: Great. I hope I’m a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory for my whole life.
Sheldon: Was that sarcasm?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Was that sarcasm?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Was that sarca..
Leonard: Stop it!
Leonard: Here you go. Oh, you owe me another two dollars. The price of mu-shu pork went up.
Howard: It’s getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew.
Leonard: No biggie.
Howard: He has a nervous bladder when he’s stressed out. Kind of like a puppy.
Leonard: Look, you do understand that Sheldon really doesn’t care when he gets the money back. It’s actually one of the few idiosyncrasies that doesn’t make you want to, you know, kill him.
Penny: He got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car.
Leonard: What?
Penny: He was drunk.
Leonard: I would hope so.
Sheldon: All right. Leonard fairly calls the question, who is in favour of abandoning our game and confronting Penny’s steroid-infused ex-boyfriend in a suicidal mission to extract money from him? Say hi to Kurt for us.
Leonard: Excuse me. When Frodo left the Shire to take the one ring to Mordor, didn’t Samwise, Pippin and Merry go with him?
Sheldon: They did.
Leonard: Well?
Sheldon: They had a terrible time of it, Leonard.
Leonard: OK, is everyone clear on the plan?
Howard: Yes, Koothrappali's going to wet himself, I'm gonna throw up, Sheldon's gonna run away and you're going to die.
Kurt: Where's your back up?
Leonard: I don't need back up, I have right on my side...and I'm wearing cargo shorts under my pants.
4/10/2011
The current theories in the field of friendmaking
Howard: Hey, I’m thinking of growing a mustache.
Raj: He’s a ginormous knob.
Howard: That’s why he eats by himself, instead of sitting here at the cool table.
Penny: Well, how did you guys become friends?
Leonard: There was a flier on the bulletin board at the university. Roommate wanted. Whistlers need not apply.
Penny: And you moved in anyway?
Leonard: I assumed he was joking.
Penny: How many questions are on this thing?
Sheldon: Only 211. Don’t worry, in deference to you, I’ve kept them on a high school graduate reading level.
Penny: Thanks pal.
Sheldon: You got it, buddy.
Leonard: Remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the internet?
Sheldon: I did learn how to swim.
Leonard: On the floor.
Sheldon: The skills are transferrable.
Sheldon: I believe I’ve isolated the algorithm for making friends.
Leonard: Sheldon, there is no algorithm for making friends!
Howard: Hear him out. If he’s really on to something, we can open a booth at Comic-Con, make a fortune.
Sheldon: A loop counter? And an escape to the least objectionable activity! Howard, that’s brilliant! I’m surprised you saw that.
Howard: Gee, why can't Sheldon get a friend?
Sheldon: Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task. So, I’m going to have to let one of you go.
Howard: Me, me. Let it be me.
Sheldon: Leonard, you are my roommate, my source of transportation and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer. You are safe.
Leonard: Can I whistle?
Sheldon: Don’t be silly. Howard, you do not have a PhD, your cologne is an assault on the senses and you’re not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays.
Howard: Guilty as charged. I’m out.
Sheldon: No. You, too, are safe.
Howard: Oh come on. What do I have to do?
Sheldon: Raj, you’re out. The good question, while you do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogenous group, your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing. How could you, for a moment, think that my favourite amino acid is Glutamine?
Leonard: He had Lysine but changed it.
Sheldon: Yeah. Shoulda, woulda coulda, Raj.
Kripke: Hewo. How did I walk past you? I’m Bawy.
Penny: Penny.
Kripke: Yeah, it’s not a vewy hot name. I’m gonna call your Woxanne.
Howard: Suddenly I’m looking pretty good, huh?
Raj: He’s a ginormous knob.
Howard: That’s why he eats by himself, instead of sitting here at the cool table.
Penny: Well, how did you guys become friends?
Leonard: There was a flier on the bulletin board at the university. Roommate wanted. Whistlers need not apply.
Penny: And you moved in anyway?
Leonard: I assumed he was joking.
Penny: How many questions are on this thing?
Sheldon: Only 211. Don’t worry, in deference to you, I’ve kept them on a high school graduate reading level.
Penny: Thanks pal.
Sheldon: You got it, buddy.
Leonard: Remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the internet?
Sheldon: I did learn how to swim.
Leonard: On the floor.
Sheldon: The skills are transferrable.
Sheldon: I believe I’ve isolated the algorithm for making friends.
Leonard: Sheldon, there is no algorithm for making friends!
Howard: Hear him out. If he’s really on to something, we can open a booth at Comic-Con, make a fortune.
Sheldon: A loop counter? And an escape to the least objectionable activity! Howard, that’s brilliant! I’m surprised you saw that.
Howard: Gee, why can't Sheldon get a friend?
Sheldon: Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task. So, I’m going to have to let one of you go.
Howard: Me, me. Let it be me.
Sheldon: Leonard, you are my roommate, my source of transportation and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer. You are safe.
Leonard: Can I whistle?
Sheldon: Don’t be silly. Howard, you do not have a PhD, your cologne is an assault on the senses and you’re not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays.
Howard: Guilty as charged. I’m out.
Sheldon: No. You, too, are safe.
Howard: Oh come on. What do I have to do?
Sheldon: Raj, you’re out. The good question, while you do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogenous group, your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing. How could you, for a moment, think that my favourite amino acid is Glutamine?
Leonard: He had Lysine but changed it.
Sheldon: Yeah. Shoulda, woulda coulda, Raj.
Kripke: Hewo. How did I walk past you? I’m Bawy.
Penny: Penny.
Kripke: Yeah, it’s not a vewy hot name. I’m gonna call your Woxanne.
Howard: Suddenly I’m looking pretty good, huh?
4/09/2011
How is doable anything but a compliment?
Sheldon: Is it wrong to say I love our killer robot?
Rajesh: As with my father I both love and fear it.
Leonard: Sorry, you little nerd, you were just in the wrong boys’ room at the wrong time.
Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!
Howard: I’m going home to live my creepy, pathetic life.
Howard's mother: Howard, the phone is ringing!
Howard: Here’s a crazy idea, Ma, answer it!
Kripke: We're all pathetic and cweepy, that's why we fight wobots.
Leonard: He’s been in bed for two days.
Penny: Yeah, probably with a blow-up doll.
Leonard: He’s not with a… does it really matter who or what he’s with?
Leonard:You know, like, most of the time, you’re the easygoing Bruce Banner, but then, when you get angry, you kind of turn into, like, you know, grrrrr!
Penny: I turn into a bear?
Leonard: Thank you. I should probably give you a heads up about his mother.
Penny: What about her?
Leonard: She’s a delightful woman. You’ll love her.
Penny: Your mom seems nice.
Howard: People move away from her on the bus.
Penny: I’ve been informed that you have feelings.
Sheldon: I did this. Monte was killed by my hubris and my pride. No matter what anybody says, this is my fault.
Raj: No one’s arguing with you, dude.
Howard: The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.
Rajesh: As with my father I both love and fear it.
Leonard: Sorry, you little nerd, you were just in the wrong boys’ room at the wrong time.
Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!
Howard: I’m going home to live my creepy, pathetic life.
Howard's mother: Howard, the phone is ringing!
Howard: Here’s a crazy idea, Ma, answer it!
Kripke: We're all pathetic and cweepy, that's why we fight wobots.
Leonard: He’s been in bed for two days.
Penny: Yeah, probably with a blow-up doll.
Leonard: He’s not with a… does it really matter who or what he’s with?
Leonard:You know, like, most of the time, you’re the easygoing Bruce Banner, but then, when you get angry, you kind of turn into, like, you know, grrrrr!
Penny: I turn into a bear?
Leonard: Thank you. I should probably give you a heads up about his mother.
Penny: What about her?
Leonard: She’s a delightful woman. You’ll love her.
Penny: Your mom seems nice.
Howard: People move away from her on the bus.
Penny: I’ve been informed that you have feelings.
Sheldon: I did this. Monte was killed by my hubris and my pride. No matter what anybody says, this is my fault.
Raj: No one’s arguing with you, dude.
Howard: The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.
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